Alber Elbaz for Lanvin for H&M is basically a major turn off.
Right now, I have conjured up in my mind Lanvin's designer, Alber Elbaz, sitting in his bow tie printed wallpaper office, in his bow tie printed office chair, wearing the humongous of humongous bowtie (when I wear a humongous bowtie, I feel like I'm obligated to take the most ridiculous photos ever. Oh I think I did that! Note: see post below) giggling over the massive lines of people who have lined up to buy Lanvin H&M merchandise at the giant H&M stores even before the actual event. Alber Elbaz is giggling because he has gotten away with the biggest heist in H&M history (in this history, Kawakubo plays second fiddle for the first time), selling H&M quality clothes at more than double the H&M price. He is giggling because he has skillfully mastered the art of deception, giving due recognition to Lanvin's archives by mass producing it for the high street. To sum it up, Lanvin is making a killing. It's hard to say where the "consultation fee" might end up; Alber, Lanvin, or that rich Taiwanese woman who owns Lanvin whose name I can never remember. But it seems that sales for this collaboration might end up as additional funds for Lanvin's actual Fall 2011 or Spring 2012 show.
And these people, with all their camping gear and sleeping bags ready (fashion sources have told me that those who came a day early have even brought a week supply of baked beans), seem pretty psyched to be risking their lives and forgoing their dignity to be willing victims of this evil scheme. Alber Elbaz then looks down at all the miserable campers (though I can never ever picture Alber as Pierre Berge) and at the same time, picking up his shiny red telephone with a direct number to his fabric supplier (similar to those used by presidents to call presidents), and places his order for more tulle and silk. (You see, that's where your money went to. Here, "your" refers to those who are planning or have already punched three old ladies in the face and wrestled with desperate socialite wannabes in the process of getting that flower printed dress.) Alber then grabs each of these fashion-wannabes by the hair, threatens them with a knife to their neck and with all his chubby cuteness, hypnotizes them to hand over their money, and they then merrily skip home to blog “OMG I JUST GOT LANVIN!!!! EAT THAT SUCKERS!".
I don't really hate Alber, if that's what you're getting since you've started reading. I adore his work for Lanvin and I think he hasn't the tiniest bit of evil within his soul. But this is the designer who can drape cotton candy coloured tulle into cotton candy and can bewitch any woman that wearing a Lanvin cocktail dress in broad daylight (note: this is not during fashion week) is pretty normal. This is the designer who works with notion of " I have a problem with doing a collection that is a secondary line. I mean, you don’t want to be the stepsister. You want to be Cinderella. Show me one girl who wants to be the stepsister". This is the designer who can come up with sketches in a matter of seconds while others struggle to even draw a stick figure, and might have a successful career as a children book illustrator if he doesn't get the job at Chanel when our dear Lagerfeld can't dream his dreams anymore. He walks into a room, and editors bow down to him, and he curtsies.
The clothes aren't terrible. Neither are they awesome. I want to go under the tulle dress and look around and let the tulle brush against my very cheek. The price for doing so is 249 dollars, US. I also like the dust bag that comes with it. The only problem with the clothes is that they look very much like Lanvin. And by that I mean it looked like Alber specifically picked one dress from the archives of 2007-2009 that seemed like it could be replicated into thousands and did just that. The grouse I have with this collection is that there's nothing really original about it. Yet, it's still all very decent, jewel-toned dresses, ruffles, and leopard prints-they are all going to be sold out on opening day in an hour. But honestly, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at most of the pieces from this collection. It's difficult to accept that Alber would make clothes that look horridly cheap by the Lanvin standard. The usual aplomb that Lanvin ruffles now look like it was thrown off its throne and demoted to commoner status. It's like Cinderella in reverse. I also cannot imagine anyone going about their mundane human activities in a.......cocktail dress that definitely wasn't made for grocery shopping or fetching the kids to kindergarten. Were the dresses still sell? Yes, because Lanvin for H&M is the label whore version of the original House of Lanvin or even H&M for that matter.
Also, I cannot help but have a stinking suspicion that the "Lanvin Haute Couture" show was organized to mask how badly made the dresses were. Imagine a dress approved for production was modified so that it would be appropriate for Anna Dello Russo to put on and for editors to give their stamp of approval. I pity those who have bid on the dresses (yes, you can bid and pay thousands for a H&M dress, albeit slightly different), and then it dawns on them that-did I just buy a H&M dress for the price of an authentic Lanvin dress?
In the end, Lanvin for H&M is still a H&M product. I can't find the link on the Lanvin website to the Lanvin for H&M collaboration while this collection is unabashedly splayed out on the mainpage of the H&M US website. The collection, however mediocre, will still command legions and legions of desperate wannabes, even more than when Kawakubo was at the helm. So god bless whoever might be caught in the struggle to get a piece of the "Lanvin dream." And really, Alber has outdone himself-convincing people to get a H&M dress to fulfill their Lanvin dream is simply quite genius.
